Does your tummy feel tight?
Did you bring your Mylanta and Tums?
Does your memory stray,
to that bright sunny day...
When you had all your teeth
and your gums?
Is your hairline receding,
are your eyes growing dim?
Hysterectomy for her, and its
prostate for him.
Does your back give you pain...
do your knees predict rain?
Tell me dear, are
you lonesome tonight?
Is your blood pressure
up,
Is your cholesterol down?
Are you eating your low-fat cuisine?
All that oat bran and fruit,
Metamucil to boot, keeps
you like a well-oiled machine.
If it's football, or baseball...
he sure knows the score. *
Yes, he knows where it's at...
but forgets what it's for...
So, your gall bladder's gone,
and his gout lingers on.
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
When you're hungry, he's not.
When you're cold, then he's hot.
Then you start that old
thermostat war.
When you
turn out the light,
he goes left, you go right.
Then you get his great symphonic snore.
He was once so romantic,
and witty and smart.
How'd he turn out to be
such a cranky old fart?
So don't
take any bets,
this is as good as it gets.
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight.
__________________________________
REMEMBER 1957?
I know some of you are not old enough to remember BUT
this email below
Was put together in a great way.
ENJOY
Remember this?
The
following were some comments made in the year 1957:
(1) "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are,
its going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20.00."
(2) "Have you seen the new cars coming out next
year? It won't be long when $5,000 will only buy a used one."
(3) "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm
going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."
(4) "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime
just to mail a letter?"
(5) "If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help
at the store.."
(6) "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents
a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage,"
(7) "Kids today are impossible. Those
ducktail hair cuts make it
impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as
long as the girls,"
(8) "I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark
Gable get by with saying damn in "Gone With The Wind", it seems every new movie has either Hell or damn in it."
(9) "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible
to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it
down in Texas."
(10) "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just
to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday that they will be making more than the President."
(11)
"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters
now."
(12) "It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to
work to make ends meet."
(13) "It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch
their kids so they can both work."
(15) "I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door
to a whole lot of foreign business."
(16) "Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government
takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to Congress."
(17)
"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I
seriously doubt they will ever catch on."
(18)
"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel."
(19)
"No one can afford to be sick any more, $35.00 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."
Bye-Bye!
