| Home | 1953 GRADUATION PROGRAM | 1953 MAGAZINE COVERS | ORIGINAL LINKS | MUSIC PLUS | INDEX | INDEX 2 | MUSINGS FROM DICK LOWATER | More Musings from Dick Lowater | REUNION UPDATE APRIL 9, 2003 | Letter of Intent | NOW I KNOW WHY! | 1953 SONG HITS AND PRICES | WHERE WERE YOU? | 1953 TIMELINE | REUNION POEM | MEMORIES - PAGE ONE | JOHN'S CORNER | John's Second Corner | NEED INSPIRATION? | JOG YOUR MEMORY! | D. GUELDNER p. 3 | D. GUELDNER p. 2 | LINKS page one | D. GUELDNER p. 1 | WHAT'S NEW? (PAGE ONE) | WHAT'S NEW ? (PAGE TWO) | John's Third Corner | JOHN FOUR
NOW I KNOW WHY!
SVHS REUNION 2003

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

George W. Bush: We don't really care why the
chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the
chicken is on our side of the road or not. The
chicken is either with us or it is against us.
There is no middle ground here.

Al Gore: I invented the chicken. I invented the
road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road
represented the application of these two
different functions of government in a new, reinvented
way designed to bring services to the American
people.

Ralph Nader: The chicken's habitat on the
original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked
industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach
the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road
because it was crushed by the wheels of a
gas-guzzling SUV.

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent,
hardworking American.

Rush Limbaugh: I don't know why the chicken
crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a
government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet
someone out there is already forming a support
group to help chickens with crossing-the-road
syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of
this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing
the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I
say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money,
money the government took from you to build roads
for chickens to cross.

Martha Stewart: No one called to warn me which
way the chicken was going. I had a standing order
at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the
price dropped to a certain level. No little bird
gave me any insider information.

Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't
it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth
in front of your face? The chicken was going to
the "other side." That's what they call it - the
other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
And, if you eat that chicken, you will become
gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we
sort out this abomination that the liberal media
whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like
"the other side."

Dr. Suess: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he
cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed
the road. But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where
all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken
crossed the road. Someone told us that the
chicken crossed the road, and that was good
enough for us.

Barbara Walters: Isn't that interesting? In a few
moments we will be listening to the chicken
tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting
and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of
crossing the road.

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens crossing
roads in peace.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross
the road.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of
rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50
tons of nerve gas on it.

Voltaire: I may not agree with what the chicken
did, but I will defend to the death its right to
do so.

Ronald Reagan: What chicken?

Captain Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has
gone before.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your
own eyes! How many chickens have to cross before
you believe it?

Sigmund Freud: The fact that you are at all
concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals
your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken 2003,
which will not only cross roads, but will lay
eggs, file your important documents, and balance
your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an
inextricable part of eChicken.

Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the
road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT
chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you
define chicken, please?

Moses: And God came down from the heavens, and He
said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the
road." And the chicken crossed the road, and
there was much rejoicing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
___________________________________
 
An imbecilic, "hick" President
Jim Bramlett
Apr 9, 2003

Dear friends:

As a Republican elected president by a minority vote, he's been ridiculed by political cartoonists, lampooned by journalists, both here and abroad, and denounced for his lack of diplomatic skills.

He's been called the original "baboon," a Western hick, a played-out imbecile, a murderer, a traitor and a destroyer of the Constitution.

He's been criticized for having trouble putting sentences together and for using earthy language.

A German newspaper took issue with his faith and criticized him for "sanctimoniously using Bible quotations instead of intelligent arguments."

He's been outspoken on the issue of freedom and resolute with a sense of destiny. While many around him called for compromise, without consulting Congress, he took steps that led to war.

Would a president like this deserve to be immortalized on a national monument like Mount Rushmore?

He did and he was.

You thought I was talking about George W. Bush.

I'm speaking of none other than the now profoundly revered Abraham Lincoln."


(Quote from Duane Sheppard - Times Writers Group)

What do you think?