"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
George W. Bush: We don't
really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.
The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
Al Gore: I invented the chicken.
I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring services to the American people.
Ralph Nader:
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken
did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling
SUV.
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Rush Limbaugh: I don't know why the
chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone
out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this?
How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say
tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
Martha
Stewart: No one called to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to
sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
Jerry
Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face?
The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it - the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken
is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out
this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
Dr.
Suess: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road. But why it crossed,
I've not been told!
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed
the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Barbara Walters:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming
story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing
the road.
John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
Aristotle: It is the nature of
chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked
act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Voltaire: I may not agree
with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do so.
Ronald Reagan: What chicken?
Captain
Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes!
How many chickens have to cross before you believe it?
Sigmund Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned
that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken
2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook
and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road
or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you
mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
Moses: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto
the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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An imbecilic, "hick" President Jim Bramlett Apr 9, 2003
Dear friends:
As
a Republican elected president by a minority vote, he's been ridiculed by political cartoonists, lampooned by journalists,
both here and abroad, and denounced for his lack of diplomatic skills.
He's been called the original "baboon," a Western
hick, a played-out imbecile, a murderer, a traitor and a destroyer of the Constitution.
He's been criticized for having
trouble putting sentences together and for using earthy language.
A German newspaper took issue with his faith and
criticized him for "sanctimoniously using Bible quotations instead of intelligent arguments."
He's been outspoken
on the issue of freedom and resolute with a sense of destiny. While many around him called for compromise, without consulting
Congress, he took steps that led to war.
Would a president like this deserve to be immortalized on a national monument
like Mount Rushmore?
He did and he was.
You thought I was talking about George W. Bush.
I'm speaking
of none other than the now profoundly revered Abraham Lincoln."
(Quote from Duane Sheppard - Times Writers Group)
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